Thursday, September 1, 2011

SSN Exclusive: TSB's EPL Deadline Day Review





So the insane deadline day frenzy took place yesterday. Some used it well [Stoke], some used it out of desperation [Arsenal], while others fucked it up [Bolton]. Meanwhile Fergie sat watching with a big grin on his reddened chops. Here's a review of what teams did on the final day.



Arsenal

Arteta and Benayoun are adequate signings but Wenger lost Cesc and Nasri without getting any of his top targets. Santos is an improvement on Traore, but so would my Grandmother. Mertersacker is interesting. He probably knows more about defending than coach Pat Rice, but Rice probably has more speed and mobility.



Aston Villa

Hutton and Jenas. Not exactly signings to get the pulse racing. But that's what you get when your manager is Alex McLeish.



Blackburn

6 million for Scott Dann isn't bad business but what happened to the promises of signing Ronaldihno, Beckham and Raul? Yakubu is not quite what fans were hoping for.



Bolton

The club, which has massive debts, played poker and lost. Come winter the money Spurs offered for Cahill will look very good. They did pull off the huge coup of signing David Ngog, though.



Chelsea

Personally I think Modric is overrated at 40mil, so rabbit-out-of-the-hat Meireles seems good business. Everything will depend on how well he teams up with Torres.



Everton

Ouch! Big debts, no one wants to buy the club, and now they've lost one of their best players. But at least they brought in Drenthe from Real and the unpronounceable Stracqualursi who was top scorer in Argentina.



Fulham

Have taken a gamble with Bryan Ruiz from the Dutch league. Cottagers will be hoping he's more Suarez than Kežman.



Liverpool

Almost the perfect, albeit very expensive, summer transfer window, especially with the capture of Coates. Then came the 11th hour loss of Meireles to Chelsea. He brought some guile to the team, matching up well with Suarez, so could be missed. At least they're rid of Joe Cole and now have Bellamy to organize golf trips.



Man City

Award for the left field signing of the window. Its a shock Hargreaves didn't hurt his knee getting up from the table after signing the contract.



Newcastle

Used the final day to finallly bring someone in who isn't French. 20 year old Santon comes highly rated.



Norwich

Hard to say because I don't really know anything about any of the players they've brought in.



QPR

If you're probably going down anyway, you might as well do so interestingly. Anton Ferdinand, Joey Barton and Adel Taarabt all managed by Neil Warnock should provide entertainment.



Spurs

Kept Modric, but this only works out if he doesn't sulk for 12 months. Got rid of a lot of deadwood including the creepy David Bentley, but failed to bring in a defender. Parker is a solid signing, though.



Stoke

Paid a lot for Crouch and Palacios but the signings make sense, fitting into the team's style. Rory Delap will be delighted he has something even taller to aim at. Deadline day used well again by Pulis.



Sunderland

Went for the scattergun approach all summer. Among all those signings there has to by a good buy. Right? The modest Bendtner should fit in better than he did at Arsenal and they got rid of Anton Ferdinand, which is always a bonus.



Swansea

See Norwich.



Wigan

If you're buying someone from Celtic [Shaun Maloney], you know your budget is limited.



West Brom, ManU and Wolves did nothing. Boring bastards.

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